Don't be surprised
by Malluchan
Summary: "My name is Kyouya Tategami", he said, drawing himself up importantly. Phew. Something I could deal with. not like the time Sherlock Holmes asked to investigate my bathroom. I had no idea who he was and asked if he was from Oz.


I've been through a lot, in all of my 14 years.

I've had my laptop smashed by the Hulk and had by windows broken numerous times by fictional characters launched at high speed, crammed my basement full of the Justice League and stashed the Wizard of Oz in my closet.

Don't ask me why my house is a hotspot for the victims of dimensional rifts; that's just the way it is.

It started when I was 8 and Jumbo Koiwai opened my garage door. By force. Since then I've learned to hide characters very well, been labeled as a social outcast, dropped out of high school, and taken over the basement. Not necessarily in that order.

But things had died down since then...I used to have at least one nonexistent personage a week. But for some reason, since mom got the exterminator to spray for bugs, there hadn't been any fictional activity.

Until that day in late October.

On the couch. Home alone as usual, doing online schoolwork, my substitute for stinky public school.

I wasn't expecting paranormal activity that day; I never was.

But then there was a pop or something and a vampire appeared in the middle of my living room. I screamed and threw my laptop into the air on impulse. (Don't worry. It was crashed by the Hulk and managed to survive.)

"WHO ARE YOU!?" I was all yelling and stuff, I know. That hasn't happened since Popeye came through the attic door and told me to shut up.

The vampire drew himself up importantly. "My name is KYOUYA TATEGAMI."

Phew. At least something I knew how to handle; not like when Sherlock Holmes asked to investigate my bathroom. I had no idea who he was and asked if he was from Oz.

"AND I DEMAND TO KNOW WHERE I AM."

"Okay, Kyouya. You're in an alternate dimension. Though honestly I've never seen the teleporting thing before."

"ALTERNATE DIMENSION!?" Wow. This guy had been in my house for 5 minutes, said 3 sentences, and hadn't used his inside voice the entire time.

"Okay, first, lower your voice. Second; yes. Yes you are."

"WHY DO I HAVE TO LOWER MY VOICE!?"

"You'll get the neighbors over here. And it won't be pretty."

"WHY NOT?"

"BE QUIET, KYOUYA."

"Okay, okay, fine. Where's Gingka? We were just about to battle!"

"Probably wondering why you disappeared."

"I didn't, though."

"I told you; you're in an alternate dimension. You wandered through a dimensional rift and ended up here."

"But I didn't even MOVE!"

"BE QUIET. The rift must have occupied the same space you were in, thus transporting you here. Lucky for both of us you didn't get launched through a rift at high speed, or you'd have a broken window and probably a broken neck."

"I WON'T BE QUIET. WHAT'S A RIFT?"

"Okay, kitty boy. In the basement for you."

He didn't stop me as I pushed him down the steps.

"DON'T CALL ME KITTY BOY!" He yelled upon contact with the basement floor.

"Okay. Then be quiet."

"Why do I have to stay here?"

"Because the rift is closed now. Another rift will open eventually, most likely down here, and then you can return home."

"IS THIS REALITY TV!?"

"No. BE QUIET."

He sat down on the bed in the corner sulkily. And then moaned, lifting his sea-green head up to the sky.

"What are you moaning about?"

"I'm hungry. I haven't eaten anything since this morning."

"Okay. We have some leftover soup." He perked up.

I came back with the tomato soup and left to finish my geography test. He came back up the stairs a minute later.

"This is tomato..."

"I know."

"Then give me something else."

"No."

"Why?"

"That's all we have. Mom is getting groceries tonight if you can wait that long."

"But, lions are carnivores."

"Mm-hmm. That's nice."

"That means they only eat meat."

"Can't you see I'm already in school, Mr. Yoyo?"

"Don't call me yoyo."

"Go back to the basement."

"I DON'T LIKE IT DOWN THERE."

"Then sit down, and be quiet."

"But I'm hungry."

"I just gave you food, Kyouya." At this point I was getting really fed up.

"YOU LITTLE GIRL! I SAID LIONS ARE CARNIVORES!"

"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN HAVE TO DO WITH THIS SITUATION!?"

"AVERY JULIAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?"

I pushed Yoyo back into the basement and opened the door. Next door neighbor, as predicted.

"Uh, watching TV?"

"You're supposed to be in school."

"It's educational. I learned that lions are carnivores." I gave her my best smile.

She left in a huff. I unlocked the basement and a furious Kyouya barged out.

"THE POINT IS, I AM A LION-"

"That goes about roaring in the wild, blah, blah. I KNOW, ok? But I'm vegetarian. We don't eat meat here." It's never been an issue in the past.

"WHAT!? HOW DO YOU SURVIVE?"

"Well, I'm not dead yet."

Kyouya glared at a spot on the wall.

"Hey. Easy on the mud splotch, he hasn't done anything wrong", I told him dryly, and went back to my schoolwork.

"I can't live without meat."

"Go wallow in misery somewhere else, please."

"You're mean."

"BE QUIET, KITTY BOY."

"STOP THAT!"

Why don't you go glare at the wall some more? Maybe the spot will beg for pity, curl up and die", I suggested.

He stomped back into the basement as I finsihed the test. With a score of 57. Thanks a lot, kitty.


End file.
